New York City tries so hard. Wait, fuck that… New York City doesn’t have to do shit! It’s a revolving door of tourists, wannabee’s, train wrecks, models, businessmen and, the almost obligatory, hipsters. Yet as I wander around the streets of this monolith, I am consistently reminded that a small fraction of the people inhabiting this city are actually from these parts. Beyond that, though, you get to experience people from almost every country imaginable. From the droves of French in Brooklyn, to the piles of Brazilians eager to spend their almost monopoly-like money (via pre-paid debit cards), this city makes for great people watching and observation. Working for one of the larger technology retailers in the country (you would have to be high on bath salts to think for one fucking second that i’d even consider listing the company’s name in this blog), I get to talk to people from every corner of the globe. Below is a categorized list of stereotypes and cultural observations I have procured from my 2 years in the field.
- Brazilians
Yeah… they’re hot. When you see ugly people from Brazil, well… you don’t. Someone told me the other day that Brazil has the highest number of plastic surgery operations per capita. SInce this is a fucking blog I write in my underwear at the last minute of my day off, there is no chance I will spend any time researching this statistic. To be honest, I wouldn’t even be able to tell as my eyes and brain have seemingly adjusted to their overwhelming beauty and simply assumes that they are all anatomically perfect. Contrary to popular belief, they don’t speak Brazilian… they speak Portuguese. I guess Brazilian isn’t a language, or something? But then there’s, like, Brazilian Portuguese, or some shit? I dunno… I do know that the accent they have when they speak English almost completely nullify’s their natural beauty, as it’s disgustingly harsh. Recent economic prosperity has resulted in a large number of tourists making up arguably the highest percentage of foreign visitors in NYC, which is fine by me, as I will never grow tired of gazing upon their perfect bronze skin. Just please, the less you attempt to butcher our language, the better it is for everyone. Just play soccer/futbol and look good. Obrigado!
- the Dutch
If Brazilians are the hottest, then the Dutch are surely the nicest. In my line of work, you often have to tell people shit they don’t want to hear. “Sorry, you lost pictures of your dead dog forever,” or ” No, we don’t have the product in stock that you traveled thousands of miles for,” yet these fuckers take EVERYTHING in stride! It’s completely contrary to the New York state of mind which attempts to argue and bitch about every single minutia. Despite having only slightly less disgusting accents (than the Brazilians) when they speak English, they all speak it fluently. Maybe they’re all nice because they get to smoke weed a bunch in their Starbucks? I know I just get pissed off when I go to Starbucks here… usually it’s crowded and people are bitching about shit. If I got to rip bongs of earwax hash while some pimply 16 year old barista made my frap, I’d probably be way more relaxed. To cap it all off, the dudes over there like to wink at you… in the most heterosexual way possible. Prior to working here, I never realized that men could wink at each other and it wouldn’t even be the least bit gay. So for that, I thank the Dutch.
- le French
Hot damn, these people get the worst press over here. We are led to believe that they are all cigarette smoking, beret wearing, intellectuals who despise us for our McDonalds eating ways. While that might be true for a smaller number of them, perhaps the ones from Paris specifically (?), nothing could be further from the truth as far as the standard French tourist is concerned. Most of them are very friendly and eager to practice their decent English with one of us. I have a hard time distinguishing them from anyone else until I see their passport or here them speak. They aren’t as slovenly as we are, but then again, who is? Recently, there has been a huge number of French tourists and extended visitors (staying here for several months) in Brooklyn. Again, until these dudes talk, you would just assume they’re any other hipster in Williamsburg. Fortunately for us, we grew up on Pepe Le Pew, and can spot that accent from miles away. Don’t hate the French… they make up for their lack of personal hygiene with their worldly wisdom and attention to detail.
- Turkish People
Turkish people are the chameleons of Europe. You could be talking to one for 4 hours and assume they’re from any number of places, until the topic actually comes up. They enjoy life considerably more than we do and don’t exactly make it a secret. It’s kinda tough for me to think of more things to say, other than the easiest way to tell if someone is from Turkey is the smell of their breath. It’s not bad per say, it’s just distinct. One day, you’ll know…
- Spaniards
Slightly less attractive than the Brazilians and Argentines (who, sadly, will not make it into this blog) the Spanish have lisps when they talk and say “ok” more than anyone I’ve ever encountered. Still, can you fuck with anyone who eats Tapas for dinner, and said dinner is never earlier than 9 pm? They also love futbol, and are extremely good at it.
- Italians
You have likely heard or experienced most stereotypes attached to Italians. While it’s true that not all of them are the embodiment of such stereotypes, many are. But then again, if your stereotypes were all essentially just looking good, smelling good, making amazing food, being amazing in bed, and having a shit ton of style, why wouldn’t you strive to be all those things? Ciao.
- the Chinese
Intense. Chinese people are intense. It’s not that they’re rude, necessarily, or really anything that could be perceived as negative. There is just typically too much of a language barrier, in my experiences, to really lend any sort of understanding towards who they are as a culture. But then again, they likely experience more culture shock visiting us than most any other regularly visiting nation. Still, they are usually very friendly and eager to communicate, despite the language barrier. Just don’t ever confuse their tone of voice or gesticulations for rudeness or anger. To my limited understanding, that’s just how they do it over there (and here, I guess).
- Russians
I’m biased because my family is originally from Russia. I’m one of 2 people in our entire store who can speak their language, so I get a bit more time with them than several of the other nationalities I’ve discussed. Basically, there are 2 types of Russians. Older, more soviet-era or provincial Russians, similar to the stereotypes we are constantly reminded of, and novye-ruskis, or “new Russians”. New Russians are either completely decked out in gold, mink fur, and other gaudy bullshit, or completely indistinguishable from Americans until they speak. You gotta figure, it’s such a massive country full of so many people, it can’t just be one way with them. But they are trying hard to combat the years of tension we’ve had with them and don’t hate us, despite our remaining reservations towards them.
- South Africans
I have no fucking idea what these people are saying when they speak, despite them being English speakers. They are a giant mystery to me.
