Since we’re all feeling the global economic armageddon – some more than most – I thought it seemed appropriate to do a budget version of this column with my own tips on how to recreate your favourite pub/al fresco cocktail bar/divebar all in the comfort of your own home.
“But James, I’m poor as shit right now. How can I recreate the lavish decadence of a pub in my own home?” Easy. With my shoestring guide you’ll be drunk in no time!
Firstly, You’ll need a beer garden. I’ve included some comfortable seating areas (top) and a barbecue for burgers and hotdogs. For added authenticity you could clean the moss and bird shit off, but this isn’t a must since that’s more for your high-end type of establishment.
Like most self-respecting women, my girlfriend resents the term “busty bar wench” so she has been left out of this picture.
Everyone knows no pub is complete without a dartboard. I’ve drawn mine on paper. You can use knives for darts, but pencils or your own spit work just as well.
Finally, toilet graffiti is the cornerstone of any nice and decent public house. If, like me, your landlord frowns upon penises daubed all over the walls, why not make some temporary ones with crayons and paper? Anyone with a tattoo will testify that transfers are just as good as the real thing.
So go out and enjoy your homemade festivities! It is, after all, the season!